


Maybe It's Destiny

by severaance



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/M, Gender Dysphoria, Light Angst, M/M, Transgender Morgan, and derek being a good girlfriend, spencer being a good boyfriend, transgender character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-07-12 13:42:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7107331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/severaance/pseuds/severaance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"What?" He asked with narrowed eyes. Derek's grin continued to widen as she said, "Destiny." </p>
<p>Spencer's confusion was evident, but his eyes slowly widened and a grin appeared on his face when Derek said, "Destiny Morgan."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Maybe It's Destiny

**Author's Note:**

> i was hesitant to post this just because im sure not a lot of people headcanon derek as trans but oh well. enjoy!

It wasn't the first time Spencer had seen Derek naked, not by a long shot. They'd been dating for quite some time, and even before that they maintained an awkwardly close friendship. Still, this time was different. Infinitely different. It was the first time Spencer noticed something was.. Off. Missing, rather. Something he had grown so used to seeing, as well as having, that he simply didn't even notice on Derek, because he didn't have any. 

Body hair. Derek maintained a soft, supple, hairless body, and Spencer hadn't even noticed until now, as he ran his hands down Derek's toned thighs and promptly froze, looking up to Derek with confused eyes. There wasn't a single hair on the man; his chest, arms and armpits, legs, anywhere hair could possibly grow, were completely shaven bald. 

"I- It's just, you know, more comfortable when I'm working out. Less itchy. Yeah." Derek defended lamely, cutting the conversation short by pressing his lips to Spencer's in an act of dominance. Spencer didn't question him any further, letting the older man shove him down roughly on their bed. 

Spencer didn't bring it up after that. He figured it was Derek's business, and it didn't affect him, anyway. In fact, it was kind of a win-win situation. Derek got to feel.. Whatever it was that he felt when he shaved, and Spencer got to feel miles of dark, hairless skin all over his body. Yeah, definitely a win. Still, Spencer was curious. He really wasn't buying the whole 'less itchy' thing, no way. But he didn't want to make Derek uncomfortable with any further questions. So, he kept his mouth shut - until he couldn't any longer. 

They were both vegging out at Derek's house, leisurely making out and watching TV. Spencer, like he so often did when he spent the night with Derek, went to his bedroom to grab a pair of clothes to borrow. Except, as he was rummaging through Derek's drawers in search of a pair of sweatpants, Spencer found something that set off a fuse inside of him. Panties. Lavender, satin, lace embroidered panties, conveniently stuffed in the back on Derek's drawer. Spencer immediately jumped to the only viable conclusion he could think of and promptly seized the article of clothing, storming out into the living room where Derek sat, staring off at the TV. Spencer cleared his throat to garner Derek's attention, and when the older man let his eyes drift to Spencer with an easy smile, his face immediately fell and he was frozen in fear. 

"What the fuck are these?" Spencer bit out, holding the offending object by a single finger. He watched as Derek gulped and gaped helplessly at Spencer, who only grew angrier. 

"Are you serious? I mean.. Are you really fucking serious? After everything we've been through, and you just-" Spencer asked pleadingly as he stared at Derek in disbelief, not even giving Derek a chance to get a word in. 

"It's really not what it looks like." Derek tried in a feeble voice, only to garner a scoff from Spencer. 

"I can't believe you. I cannot believe you would do this. How could you? How could you even think about - about cheating on me? Am I so unsatisfactory that you have to go and seek out women to keep you happy? Is that it?" Spencer continued to hammer Derek with unanswered rhetorical questions, crossing his thin arms over his chest. He was so consumed by feelings of anger and betrayal that he didn't even realize he was starting to tear up. 

"Will you just let me explain?" Derek snapped, rising to his feet. When Spencer simply quirked an eyebrow at him, chewing on his lip to bite back tears, Derek sighed and ran his hand over his head. 

"They're mine, okay?" He said in a timid whisper, his tone laced with blatant shame. Spencer narrowed his eyes at the man, causing Derek to clench his teeth and look down to the ground. 

"I used to get with this girl a couple of years back. One time we got really drunk, started playing truth or dare. She dared me to put on a pair of her panties. And I did. And I liked it. I liked it a lot, so.. I bought myself a couple pairs." He admitted with a shrug, not even chancing a glance at Spencer, whose body slowly began to relax. He looked to Derek skeptically before he sighed, letting his arms fall to his side as he dropped the panties to the floor. 

"Look, I get that it's weird. And I get it if you're a little put off. But, I'm not cheating on you. Spence, I haven't even thought about sleeping with anyone but you since long before we started this.. Thing. I wouldn't do that. I really wouldn't." Derek said weakly, timidly peeking up at Spencer who shook his head and slowly moved forward to wrap his arms around Derek's neck. 

"It's not weird." He reassured calmly after some time in silence, stroking his hand down Derek's shoulder. "A lot of men, heterosexual or otherwise, enjoy cross dressing. It doesn't mean anything, Derek." Spencer insisted before punctuating his point with a gentle kiss to Derek's jaw. 

Except, it meant something. 

Spencer wasn't sure what, not for a while. But after that, a lot of things changed with Derek. Not obvious things, but little things Spencer was sure Derek didn't even notice he did. Like how he just didn't seem all that interested in sex any longer, not even a fan of taking his clothes off in front of Spencer when he once gladly paraded around the house in next to nothing. Or how he had stopped working out frequently, choosing to go for a run barely once a week when he once took pleasure in going everyday. Spencer didn't want to make his partner uncomfortable, but he also couldn't stand watching him so on edge all the time. Like he was afraid any little slip would reveal something dark and unknown. 

So, Spencer figured he'd bite the bullet and ask. Except, he didn't have to. 

They were laying in bed, Derek curled up on Spencer's chest, another new change in the relationship, when Derek spoke. 

"Is it true when they say everyone starts out female in the womb?" He blurted out, looking to Spencer questioningly. The younger man furrowed his brows at Derek's inquiry, but answered anyways.

"Well, not exactly. It's said we all start out with typical female sex organs that can later develop into typical male sex organs. That's the reasoning some people offer as to why assigned male people have nipples. It's actually kind of interesting, because-" He began to get lost on a tangent, but Derek stopped him abruptly. 

"What if you wanted to stay female but turned male?" When Spencer obviously didn't follow, Derek let out a gruff sigh. "I mean, what if a fetus wanted to be a girl, stay a girl, but then everything started happening and it became a boy? But it still wanted to be a girl, still felt like a girl sometimes, even though it was a boy and sometimes even liked being a boy? Like, what if I was-" He tried to explain, but just cut himself off at the end as he chewed on his lip nervously. 

"Derek?" Spencer asked, obvious skepticism in his voice. Derek didn't reply, just simply looked to Spencer with an almost undetectable glimmer of hope in his eyes. "Are you trying to tell me something?" 

Derek sputtered slightly, but the words just didn't seem to come out. All he could do was stare at his partner with his mouth open, trying to will himself to be brave but to no avail. But Spencer didn't expect him to, and simply gave a small, warm smile as he said concisely, "Okay." 

And that was how they ended up sprawled on the living room floor, Spencer scrolling through several different websites as Derek watched him anxiously. 

"What about Deirdre? That way I can still call you Der." Spencer suggested as he scrolled through the many lists of names on the site he had open. 

"I don't know. Maybe. Add it to the list." Derek commented with a sigh, laying back onto the floor while gazing up at the ceiling with a disheartened look. Spencer frowned at the sight, moving away from the laptop so he could lay down next to Derek. 

"We'll find one that's right for you, I promise." Spencer encouraged after lacing his fingers with Derek's. He stroked his thumb idly over Derek's knuckles, and the other sighed softly. 

"Do you feel like a man today?" Spencer asked. Derek looked at him and pondered for a moment before giving a hefty sigh and a shake of the head. "Pronouns?" Spencer continued to question, earning a mumbled, "She and her." from Derek. 

Over the past few weeks, it had become quite routine for Spencer to ask the same two questions. Sometimes Derek was truthful, other times not so much. Call it excessive, but Spencer always asked two or three times just in case Derek felt too embarrassed to share the truth. This time was no different. 

"Are you feeling dysphoric?" Spencer questioned while rubbing his hand down Derek's arm. His partner averted her gaze before nodding slowly. 

"I feel stupid." Derek confessed. Spencer looked to her and smiled sadly, letting his hand rest on Derek's face. 

"There's no reason to and you know it. There's nothing to be ashamed of here. Not when you're with me." Spencer insisted firmly, punctuating with a kiss to Derek's forehead. She looked to Spencer dubiously but nodded nonetheless, moving to sit up alongside Spencer who reached for the laptop. 

"What about.. Daenerys?" He suggested with a smug grin. Derek chuckled at that and shoved the man, slowly shaking her head as she said, "Stop playin'." 

"I'll try to control myself." Spencer teased. "What about- oh, good lord, please help this child." He shook his head at the screen where the name 'Dagger' stood loud and proud. 

"I love that one." Derek said sarcastically. "Dagger Morgan. Imagine all the UNSUBs who would fear me 'cause of that name." She flexed her biceps and waggled her eyebrows at Spencer, the latter snorting at her antics. 

"You know, we could always just go with Dereka and call it a night." Spencer offered, but Derek glared at him. 

"That is literally every transgender trope known to man." She chastised. "Come on, keep 'em comin'. Now you've got me all excited." 

Spencer laughed and rolled his eyes, mumbling, "Fine, fine." before continuing to scroll. 

"Danielle?" 

"Do I look like a white girl?"

"Daphne?" 

"This is not Scooby Doo." 

"Daisy?" 

"Oh, Mrs. Buchanan, your tea is ready!" 

"Dolores?"

"Okay, Humbert Humbert."

"Delilah?" 

"I'd have to sing the song every time someone called for me." 

They went back and forth like this for quite some time, Spencer trying to be sincere but Derek shooting down every name with snark. They bantered on with ease well into the night, only stopping when Derek began to stretch and yawn. 

"We should go to sleep." Spencer offered, shutting the laptop as he rose to his feet. He offered a hand to Derek, but she adamantly shook her head, mumbling, "'M not tired." 

Spencer chuckled at that, pulling her to her feet regardless. "The forces that be disagree. They want you to sleep. It is your destiny." He teased while slinging his arm over Derek's shoulders. She sighed softly, leaning into the touch before she straightened up and stared at Spencer with a wolfish grin. 

"What?" He asked with narrowed eyes. Derek's grin continued to widen as she said, "Destiny." 

Spencer's confusion was evident, but his eyes slowly widened and a grin appeared on his face when Derek said, "Destiny Morgan." 

"Do I have permission to joke about how we were destined to be now?" Spencer teased, wrapping his arms around Derek's - Destiny's - waist to pull her close. 

"I take it back. I want to be Dagger again." She contested. They both shared a laugh before Spencer awkwardly dipped Destiny and pressed their lips together ardently. They smiled all throughout the kiss, Destiny eagerly holding onto Spencer even as he broke the kiss. As Spencer slid his hand down her backside before wrapping his arm around her waist, Destiny mumbled contently, "Mm. Destined to be for sure."

**Author's Note:**

> "The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be." Ralph Waldo Emerson


End file.
